how am I gonna be an optimist about this?

Haven't written a blog post in over a month but have been so busy with my new job and uni coursework and presentations and Easter break and literally stressing myself out so much I just want to crawl under my duvet and never come back out again.

Whoever said University was a doss had clearly never done a degree in English and History as well as working 21 hours a week. I'm easily stressed at the best of times and get myself into such a state over the smallest of worries, always have done, and recently it's got me down so much. What's more worrying is that in spite of all my stresses, it still doesn't instill any proactive energy within me and right now, I have a 2000 word essay due in on Monday. It's a saturday night, I've spent all day at work and have to again tomorrow, and haven't even started the essay. I literally cannot even muster the energy to try right now. Ironically, I am taking the time to write this blog post but for some reason I feel that venting like this, and writing everything down is a good coping mechanism. Is there a name for this condition? Stressing and panicking and worrying, and yet still not doing a THING about it? After the hassle of A-Levels and going to Uni and dropping out and starting again and finally trying to turn my life around, I still can't even just sit down, open up my textbooks and write a stupid essay on Wuthering Heights. And I actually LIKE Wuthering Heights. It's just the thought of even doing this work sends my brain into a meltdown and I procrastinate like nobodies business and will literally do ANYTHING apart from this work. My room is spotless because I've been tidying it rather than sitting down and starting this work.

I feel in such a weird place mentally right now. University (the second time round) was supposed to be my chance to do it right. I fucked up royally the first time, but this time I'm on my own nearly 24 hours a day (especially at the moment because its Easter holidays and everyone else has gone home). I don't want it to seem like I don't care about my degree though. The fear of failing makes me want to jump off a bridge- failure is not an option. I need a good degree classification in order to get onto a PGCE course, but even the thought of applying for that makes me feel dizzy. I want to be a grownup, I want to be a teacher more than anything, I can't wait to finally have a fulltime job that isn't something remedial or boring or minimum wage- and yet I simply cannot muster any energy to make this happen. Please tell me I am not the only young person who feels like this? This blog post has barely touched the surface as to all the messed up weird feelings that are going through my head at the moment but I really needed to write this down. Even if no one reads this I feel like somehow this has helped me. Or it's just pushed me further towards the edge as I publish my worries and they become closer to a reality and I can see what a right weirdo I am. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh

"i got a pocketful of sunshine"

 

I have been feeling so homesick recently the only thing that usually cheers me up is retail therapy (I have so many new clothes recently. Sadly, still feeling homesick though). Today I decided to skip my lecture and get myself a sunbed as well because UV rays give you endorphins, and endorphins make you happy. Life is better with a tan. And I want to be in Ibiza.

Coat £34.99 H&M

Handbag £14.99 H&M (in red)

Scarf £4.00 Primark

Ballet pumps £14.00 Tesco (found whilst grocery shopping)

My hits of the Oscars 2013

I love The Oscars. After the Met Ball, it's the best time of year to gaze jealously and critique harshly at celebrities and what they're wearing. I would hate to be famous, but sometimes I do wish I had an occasion to wear a completely over-the-top, fussy ballgown by the likes of Elie Saab or Marchesa.

These are my favourite looks of Sunday night, including the red carpet and the after-parties:

I am a sucker for anything sparkly and princess-y. This is a gorgeous, romantic, etheral dress and something I would truly love to wear. Like I said before, I am a fan of Elie Saab and I think dressing people for the Oscars is definitely his forte. I mean, who can forget Halle Berry's iconic Oscar dress the year she won for Monsters Ball?

Many people have commented of Samantha Barks' dress saying it was too revealing and not Oscar-appropriate, but I think with her slim, petite frame she keeps this Valentino on the right side of being too risque, and I think the overall effect is simply but stunning.. I hate to say it as someone who lives on the curvy side of life, but if anyone with anything larger in the chest department attempted to wear this it would steer into Slutsville. Which, whilst a lovely place that I enjoy visiting, it's not where you want to be on Oscar night.

Usually during any red carpet event there are so many nude or pale pink dresses and whilst this time it seemed there were plenty of white (bridal) dresses, I was pleased to see some bright colours, like Elizabeth Banks above, and Isla Fisher below. Both Isla Fisher and Reese Witherspoon wore bright cobalt blue, although Reese beat Isla to the punch on the red carpet. However, I have a soft spot for Isla as a fellow natural red-head and think after green, this blue is one of the most flattering colours she has worn. I wish she hadn't ironed her hair so straight as I think it's such a severe look and I'm a fan of curls but I guess we can't have everything.

Finally, this was another of my favourite looks. I don't really have anything else to say about it, I just really, really like the dress. Although a brightly coloured detail like some earrings or a clutch couldn't have hurt.

I am going to write another post up this week with the (much more fun) list of my least favourite outfits of the night- Anne Hathaway I'm looking at you...

My makeup essentials.. MAC

I know that everyone has their own beauty products that they always swear by, whether cheap or expensive- they are their trusted beauty products that they can rely on and will often recommend to a friend. Many of my friends have been using MAC cosmetics for years and I heard nothing but good things. I have always suffered from very temperamental, sensitive skin and often get spots, as well as dry and oily patches. In the nearly ten years I have been wearing makeup I have tried most ranges of high-street cosmetics with varying results, and thought now would be the right time to take the plunge and see how I got on with a more expensive, high-end product. As MAC is one of the most trusted brands out there, with a good reputation a well as recommendations from actual make-up artists, I knew this was the one I wanted to try.

Instead of frittering away my money on silly things like I normally do in somewhere like Superdrug or Boots, I decided I needed to invest in a few, good essentials that would last and then see how I got on from there. As I needed a new concealor and my skin often suffers from quite severe breakouts (even at 21!) I spoke to the woman on the MAC counter in Bentalls and purchased the Select Cover-Up in NC20.  

I applied this under my foundation as a base and felt that ultimately it actually did a better job alone than with my foundation, which at the time was Maxfactor Colour-Adapt. I know it sounds a cliche but even with several spots, my skin looked flawless and glowing. I recieved many compliments that same day about the condition of my skin and it definitely gave me more confidence, as I often can get insecure about my skin. The product cost £14.50 and is definitely one of the best makeup products I have ever purchased! I've tried applying it with my hands and a foundation brush, but found it works best using a very small brush which I now use just to apply concealor.

After the success of the concealor I decided to purchase a blusher as my BeneFit Coralista had run out- and I was heartbroken. I love wearing blusher everyday, and the brighter the better! I bought the Mineralize Blush in Dainty, which cost £19.50. I find that with MAC cosmetics you are paying that bit extra because the pigments of the product are so much stronger and you get such a nicer, long lasting colour. You hardly need to apply any blush at all and you get a lovely, bright glow with a subtle shimmer. I wear Dainty every day and then apply more for evening, mixed with a touch of bronzer.

Then, last week I went to Westfields in Shepherds Bush and visited the MAC store. Oh my goodness, I could of spent SO much money there! I know at the age of 21 I shouldnt' get so excited or whatever at the sight of all these cosmetics but it's so hard to restrain yourself when you keep spotting more and more things you want to buy. I ended up purchasing a Amplified lipstick in 'Impassioned' along with a Lasting Sensation lipliner. As I have quite thin lips I like to apply a lipliner first to fill them out as well as helping to make the lipstick last that bit longer before I need to retouch it. I also had finished my Max-Factor Colour-Adapt foundation, which I had always enjoyed using but did think it offered quite a thick coverage that, whilst effective, was hardly good for my pores. I found that the MAC foundations were very light and fluid, and if I'd gotten along so well with the concealor it couldn't hurt to purchase the foundation in the same shade!

                                                  ♥ ☮ ✌

"i like the way you die boy"

I went to see Django Unchained on Wednesday night and even though we had to wait for a later sitting because it was sold out, I was definitely not disappointed. Now... I have a thing with the cinema- in that I usually hate going. I just get uncomfortable in the seats and I always need to go to the toilet a million times and if I don't understand what is happening in the film I can't just check Wikipedia as easily as I could at home. Apart from when I saw The Hobbit at Christmas, I think the last film I saw in the cinema was something to do with Harry Potter, which shows how long ago. But I don't know, my housemate really wanted to go and my Dad and my brother were insisting that I would hate it and I just wanted to prove them wrong so obviously I had to go.

And.. OHHHHHHHHHHHHMAAAADAYZZ- literally this was my reaction throughout the whole film. I couldn't keep up with all the violence, the plot twists, the ridiculously gory special effects, the language used. It is the definition of 'too much'. But I loved it. And the History nerd inside me was loving all the references to slavery because I studied it last year and I've just begun doing it again. Okay, obviously a Tarantino film isn't the height of historical accuracy and I should hardly base my dissertation on Django Unchained, but if you look past all the theatrics and impressive effects the basics are still the same. And I think I was annoying my housemate by listing off random slavery trivia, facts and figures that I've been learning in class.

I definitely think that Django Unchained has helped steer me towards being more of a Tarantino fan. I'd already seen the Kill Bill films but that was it, however now (after falling in love with Christoph Waltz) I've already watched Inglourious Basterds (again another alternate history film) and was basically foaming at the mouth. Yes, they're ridiculous and violent, but also thoroughly entertaining and I am so glad I took the time to watch Django on the big screen.

They also helped feed my obsession for all things American, and in particular my current fascination with the Deep South (Georgia, Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi) and the Antebellum Era. I remember seeing the house, Evergreen Plantation in Louisiana, which was featured in Django on a documentary with Trevor McDonald who was travelling the Mississippi River and visited an old cotton plantation that is open to the public and still retains the slave quarters on the grounds of the plantation.

 

shampain kisses

Decided to start blogging again because I have far too much free time of my hands and I might as well do something constructive whilst being on the Internet. 

My name is Hannah, I am 21 years old and currently live in South- West London. I am currently in the middle of studying for a degree in English & History and I hope to go on and complete a PGCE in Primary Teaching. 

I enjoy reading, writing, socialising with friends, shopping and blogging.


I used to have a Wordpress account but looking back at what I was writing when I was young and naive at 17 was just embarrassing so this is my second attempt. Hopefully when I look back I won't cringe quite as much... but probably not. I seem to embarass myself quite alot and whenever I look back I always just wonder... what was I thinking? Seeing an old facebook status from a year ago and wondering... how the hell do I have any friends? 

Hopefully some of the things that I write on here will be of interest to someone but never mind if not, as I know the internet is full of young people thinking that what they have to say is worth reading. Now I guess I've become one of them shockkk